Top 10 ways Bush would win a marathon

A Mexican politican was busted for taking shortcuts to win his age group in the Berlin Marathon. Here are the top 10 ways Bush would win a marathon:

10. He wouldn't. He'd just lie and say he did.
09. He'd hire Blackwater to take out anyone in front of him.
08. The Supreme Court would declare him the actual winner.
07. Cheney would work a backroom deal with the competition.
06. He'd fire all the officials who didn't agree that he was the winner.
05. Jack Abramoff would whisk competitors off on an all-expenses paid junket.
04. Cheney would 'accidentally' shoot his competitors.
03. He'd forge a document saying that he won.
02. Marathon officials would be wiretapped without a warrant, list of competitors would be obtained, and competitors would be declared enemy combatants and detained indefinitely.
01. Katherine Harris would purge the start list of competitors because they were suddenly found to be felons.